eardrum

Carpool (future riders)

Dear Carpool,

FYI to my future riders: A few regulations should be followed to avoid any vehicular incidents/accidents…don’t sneeze inside the car the doors might fall off, hold your breath if the aircon is turned on coz’ gas and smoke might suffocate passengers, do NOT mind the windows it has unique functions of going up and down on its own or not at all.

My car is a Mazda 232 model 1997, passed on to me from my two sisters (my ates). It has been ours for seven years now. Sweet huh?! Oh how I remember the first day I drove it to school, with its fresh greenish masilya and faded dark violet (supposedly black) torn-out tint. I even named this car “konvict”, not because it very much looks like a convict’s ride but because I personally loved this car as much as Akon.

Please read on the following so-called car features:

• Power windows: If only you could imagine a movie in slow motion, that’s how the “power” windows on the passenger side works. Windows on the driver’s side has an awful embarrassing noise similar to an armalite riffle.
• Ignition: A toaster would start faster at times, especially if I’m already late!!!
• AC: Have you heard of a moody air-conditioner with a scorched-like scent!?
• Meters/Indicators: Almost all meters are broken. The gas indicator stays lit whether it’s full or empty. It’s safe to keep your receipts just in case…
• Lights: My headlights are dim and the tail light shuts off when it rains.
• Wiper: Wipers don’t wipe but it only gently caresses the wind shield.
• Stereo: If “anti-theft” means nobody would want to steal it then maybe that’s good! I use folded paper to keep in-place my cd-converter.
• Bumpers: It’s inspired by the song,”hanging by a moment” (Lifehouse).
• Paint&Glass: White taxi-like paint color is chipped off and “accidentally” scrubbed off with steel brush (don’t even ask how). Back glass is all cracked, frat guys threw a huge rock at it… we can even submit the initial investigation report.
• Doors: Car doors are about to fall apart, we ask friends to give it a good kick both to close it and also as therapy for anger management.

This actually is a group project that my sisters and I came up with. As sentimental as the 3 of us sound, it would really, really, really mean seven years worth of smiles (or more) if my car “konvict” would be chosen for a “make-over”. We’ve always had a tight budget and very-very strict/frugal dad. If anyone of us would want something, we’d have to work for it. Well guys, if saving my allowance and selling my cell phone unit for cheap paint and new tint ain’t enough sacrifice maybe carpool could give me and my sisters some slack. So what do you guys think? We’re asking pretty please with sugar on top! ;]

“25 years blinking hazard”

Granted a seat in my silver chair, I officially spent my 25 years in the body which I proclaim is a wonderland. (Oh come on people, that’s supposed to be captivating and hilarious!) On a serious note though, I decided to face responsibilities, apologize to people I’ve b*tch-slapped, re-gain friendships and marry a fairly good looking and rich guy. (…the latter is not entirely true.)

No money involved, no party, no work either -- t’was a plain and simple birthday holiday! I had time with the family and a new condo at Serendra. Just kidding, I don’t wanna brag (that much).

The seemingly adorable “sasagurl” pretty much accomplished growing-up. I’m now the serious person that I ought to be. (Snorts!) Very much sane and sober, I’ve been “stripped” of the few hazardous vices I used to have; fortunately my seemingly cautious self had been eliminated from dating the deceitfully amazing studs of the planet we call earth. It’s a great gift to be loved for who I really am along with moi “adjusted” close-to-normal self.

It may sound boring to be living a clean and stable life, as I’ve always thought so but I’d rather have it that way than anything more complicated.  I do however accept the challenge to encounter difficult people. (Although I have my mom and dad for that role already. LOL!) Anyhoo…anyone is free to approach my office to once again wear the shoes contributing to a complicated and trying relationship. (Except for the guy I talked with on the phone last night, we’re better off as friends, I verify that.)

Thank you for the miracles in my life; the people I loved, friends, and of course the real family “Ledesma” and my extended family, not to mention the future surname yours truly will soon carry.

For my alleged improvements and recent “adjustments” please read on. Percentage of melancholic sentiments is fairly the same (If you haven’t noticed.) Am optimistic and focused at work. I promised to believe in commitments then lavish (with every sense of the word) in relationships that are for keeps. So much for skepticism. At age 25, I now hope for happy endings!

Bitter "better" medicine

 I could maybe entitle this explicit blog"A tribute to 2007". Too much of a cliché isn’t it, which makes it sound lame? We all know who hates clichés the most, my so-called best friend. She’s too good for poorly formulated thought and ideas. LOL! It was her firm belief that yours truly is a typical girl who dates half the planet, mind you the worst of its kind. True to her word, I am that girl who finds sudden relief in the company of nerds and weird guys one could possibly fall “overtly” in-love with. (sigh) 

No…nobody won my heart, for the moment at least. Not even the guy I thought I loved for seven years, only to find out we had no common interest at all. Can you imagine? It’s the best laugh trip ever (no offense)! So, that only shows mystery is not at all a factor. “Fear” is it a factor..faith is. I learned, “tolerance to pain does not disprove you being scared”. A distinct statement purposely marked me for life, literally. The scar I thought would remind me to break all-embracing boundaries and never label anyone became the very words I ended up eating, more like masticating that is. I would never want to judge anyone as to who they are, where they’re from, and what they did. But that just sounds like a boy-band song as to which we all find sincere simple truths—NOT! As the revised old saying goes men are all the same, “You say tomato; I say he’s a hoe.”

 Sooner than later, I have come to believe that we’re all into the frantic search for “happiness”. I then decided to stay out of the market as a young-vibrant-single-hottie a couple of times. I subjected myself to a 24-hour men-dieting frenzy! The no-dating program unfortunately backfired starting mid August. It has gotten worst that I tend to forget names of those I dated. However, I never forgot how cheesy a “lover boy” could get and how cheap some of them could get. I do want to believe in relationships. I must have missed a lot then. 

For a time, I had all the love I could get. Wide-ranging support, an emotional cradle, and a tempting nest for self-gratification nonetheless. The organization made me strong, stronger even. I became my own person, a warrior and charming defender of the “mass”. I had such esteem to my Inay, Itay, adopted Mom and Dad; all the co-workers I treated somewhat family. Yet nothing or no one could ever replace a family, it’s your only one—your own. 

Mixed gutts

1.LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?  
Does accumulated minutes count? ;]

2.LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Referring to tangible or intangible?

3.EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Is it not a requirement to do so at least once a day?

4.THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Who doesn't spend on taxi fare and gas?

5.LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
I think I gulped that Thai Spicy Noodles,didn't I?

6.ONE FAVORITE SONG?
"I don't love you?"-My Chemical Romance

7.WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Do hotels count?

8.LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Wait,was it a wedding or FREE-meal-coupon day?

9.LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Apparently sunday, is she still sobbing over happiness?

10.WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT
WITH FRIENDS?
Is it quite an assumption that it
would probably be anywhere my friends
wouldn't see me with another loser guy?

11.CAN YOU COOK?
It depends if you prefer human flesh instead?

15.CAN YOU BAKE?
If Hansel & Gretel is around then maybe I can try?

16.LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
What hungry kid wouldn't make you cry?

17.LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
What's not to like?

18.HATE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
What's not to hate?

19.CAN YOU SING?
...that is if you're prepared to be amazed?

20.DO YOU SMOKE?
You mean am I scorching hot?

21.PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
Eventually, it will depend on what comes with what, right?

22.DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
Is this supposed to be with a "double-meaning" question and answer?

23.LAST PERSON ON MISSED CALL LIST:
(COMPANY Phone)...where are you?

24.LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED:
Pls dsregard f payment has bn settled,sweeeet huh?

25.CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
If I say guys eat my powdery-pool-dust, wat ya think?

26.CAN YOU SWIM?
In the midst of what?

27.FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Anything that comes with a cone don't you think so?

28.WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING? Do you think I was ever awake?

29.WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
Am I not already deprived of a weekend more often than not?

30.ARE YOU SMILING?
With my lips almost touching my ears?

31.DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
I probably would detest that?

32.DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
You meant someone I'd like to crush?

33.DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
Do you think I could deny that?

34.ARE YOU IN LOVE?
As much as I'd like to but no, do you think I am?

35.DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?

Like...dead people?

36.WHAT MOVIE DO YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW? Are scandals considered as short films nowadays?

37. ARE YOU EASY TO GET ALONG WITH?
Am I easy to go along with what,a bowl
of salad?

38. IF YOU WERE A COLOR, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? Now isn't that an intelligent question?

39. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE RIGHT

NOW,WHERE?

Will it be too dramatic if I confess, I need to go do "number 2"?

40. WHAT DISNEY MOVIE CAN YOU WATCH OVER & OVER?
Is Highschool Musical too obvious?

41. FOOD YOU'RE CRAVING FOR RIGHT THIS MINUTE? Didn't I just gulped Thai Spicy Noodles?

42. NAME A PERSON WHO'S NAME STARTS WITH THE LETTER "J"? Don't we usually shout, "@#$&*%, you...(Jerk)?"

43. WHERE'S THE BEST PLACE TO EAT ICE CREAM?

Have you heard of the ice cream place?

45. RADIO STATION YOU FREQUENTLY LISTEN TO?

You expect me to have time for that?

44. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE "SCARY MOVIE"?
Aren't soap operas scary enough?

45. WHERE DO YOU USUALLY HANG OUT?
You mean where I dry my clothes?

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

So is that what you should include in a resume too?

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR PHONE?
Is "dirt" a color?

49. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TOMORROW?
If you think it's something new, why not do it now?

50. FAVORITE DAY?
Is it yesterday, the one I never had?

Tattoo Therapy

  Waittin’ on hittin’ BORA again!!! Christmas is the best, to that December 2006 left a mark in me and I mean that literally. It’s something I can look back on to move forward. A symbol, representation, and a memory of a certain place and time somewhere only we know.

I feel like I need to be put in an institution... a special center per se, anywhere that would cater to highly creative minds with interactions between well-rounded artists. Probably the one a particular Professor “X” or Xavier founded and established. If not, a rehabilitation clinic would do, one of the so-called institution I DON'T NEED but who am I to affirm that statement anyway? (WHAT?!) Although chances are I’ll find a group of prominent intoxicated men (hopefully hunks) that are in the verge of recovering then somehow in a world where purple bunnies and red goats exists true love will prevail after every successful withdrawal after another.

What about the ever-so-changing kindred souls? (What about them?) Two of ‘em flew abroad either to get a life or sustain one (harhar!) – I LOVE YOU! Others are at a far both dramatically and geographically or maybe opted to be exclusively distanced instead. The last but not the least went on with no remorse… ;’c Perhaps I’m itching to send a list of updates, reporting all that I have accomplished so far and what has become of a disfigured person in the form of my evolving self.(sigh)

There is such a great need to be around nice people, screw the reason why it is the hardest to find “niceness” and its successors. If I could find these angels under a rock I’d be more than willing to stay with them under any given circumstance!!! I miss a bunch of my friends… the forever-glued high school barkada of mine who all turned out to be co-workaholics too. (damn!) Mostly professionals nonetheless and are exceptionally awake 23/6 just because we are devoted (slang translation "enslaved") with what we do for a living. To top it all a shaky twenty percent of these yuppies are predicted to aim towards becoming the almost-getting-married dreamy folks…tsk,tsk,tsk!

Heart worm (un-edited)

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad, and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something, and there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache.  And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams."

What’s sad is we aren’t in this TV series nor in a soap opera nor anything that attempts to imitate reality…what we have is the butt-naked REALITY itself. None plays the part of a mistress,

a Mcdreamy,the “nazi”,even a flirty nurse...OR IS THERE?! I ask you people, "Who will operate on  surgeons when they need it, attend on a sick doctor?" Their co-worker,co-surgeon and co-doctor themselves…no one else but themselves. Why do we get on each other then--heart worm, maybe we're infected.

Do we pick sides or not? Do we take part in the pain, the hurt that would cause another to cry endlessly at night? Sobbing that will then be masked with a smiling face in the morning. Coping and at the same time "hoping" to hide not just behind all smiles & bursts  of laughter but even in cracking  jokes you come up with, as if it’s possible to hide a death inside someone’s heart.

It's all for a good cause though...it dwells on the truth that we suffer BUT it doesn't end there. Until we see the bigger picture, the monument standing behind us, an artwork of mixed emotions accessorized with clashing personalities, we will prevail in surviving all these because due before us is a higher  learning.

As I quote (myself),"...PAIN teaches us to have the most common sense. May it be our sixth or if not the seventh sense NOT to be played by our own life's drama! DRAMA if I may say is having sympathy for a stomach ache that cannot be shared."

"soul listens"

I’m listening to jazzy music, not what I would necessarily pick out on an ordinary day. Maybe it is NOT a regular day, but then maybe it was just because of what I ate today (Bitter gourd--a selection from the wide variety of "exotic" cuisine in our canteen's MENU).

…one could hear the soul of music! Jazz music is soulful, you can just imagine the nostrils of the sax player as it contracts grasping for air and making good music out of it while the pianist’s head almost fall off its axis and the  drummer’s sweat salsa down "his" or as I would like to imagine "her" forehead (not to be gender biased). Trying to make sense out of the song arrangement…nah, never mind. Don't bother, I’ve met these artists they do not try make a point, they enjoy! Definitely, no pressure there.

Guitarist Juan B.H. Alegre III, aka Johnny Alegre (b. June 4, 1955), attended the University of the Philippines College of Music in the latter 1970s, where he studied composition and became a founding member of the U.P. Jazz Ensemble. He studied with the jazz educator, Dr. Joseph Howard, and participated in creative workshops conducted by musicologist-composer Dr. Erhard Karkoshka, guitarist Ike Isaacs and composer-scholar Chou Wen-chung. Alegre was involved in scores of bands and studio recording sessions, spanning more than twenty years of Philippine jazz and popular music history and discography, both as a musician and record producer. In May of 2002, Johnny Alegre formed Manila's premier jazz group, the Johnny Alegre Affinity, with bassist Colby de la Calzada, drummer Koko Bermejo, pianist Elhmir Saison and saxophonist Tots Tolentino. Their first recorded work, "Stones Of Intramuros", written by Alegre, was included in the limited edition Philippine jazz anthology CD, Adobo Jazz Vol.1, which caught the attention of the jazz record company, Candid Records. Subsequently, the self-titled album, "Johnny Alegre AFFINITY" was released in the Philippines in mid-2005 and was subsequently re-released in the UK as "Jazzhound", capped by two sold-out engagements in London's PizzaExpress Jazz Club with guest saxophonist, Dimitri Vassilakis. As part of the ever-evolving cultural landscape in Asia-Pacific, Johnny Alegre’s musical projects contribute greatly to an emerging and vibrant jazz milieu.